The Last Time I Checked, a Deck only Has 52 Cards...

Look, I am an airship captain.  As such, my responsibilities allow for only a certain amount of free time.  I fill my free time with things that I enjoy.  Do I watch the Tony Awards?  No.  Do I go to nightclubs every night for random sex in the bathroom?  No.  Do I religiously follow celebrity news and gossip?  No.  Does my lack of fervor for these things make me any less gay?  Hell no.  Being gay isn't about what you do or enjoy, other than doing and enjoying members of the same sex.  That being said, there is an epidemic upon us, my friends.  That epidemic is "the gay card".  There is no magical card that you get when you come out of the closet.  I joke about a care package with showtunes, hair product, and a copy of RENT arriving at your door when you accept who you are.  The keyword there is JOKE.

It seems that a large number of people in the gay community believe that if you don't do certain things, if you don't like certain things, if you don't wear certain things, or if you don't eat certain things that they are entitled to revoke your gay card; effectively turning you into a straight person.  It doesn't work like that, people.  I promise you that I don't know, or care, who won a Tony last year.

"You don't know who won the Tony for best show last year?  Give me your gay card!"

No.  Do you know why I'm not going to give it to you?  Because there isn't one.  Things like this are just furthering the stereotypes that the hateful straight-ful people are falling back on in their effort to deny homosexual citizens of this country equal rights.  The seemingly "necessary" stereotypes (that I have personally witnessed many gay men trying to adhere to) do nothing more than glue a big, pink target on your back.  Not too long ago, a gay couple was brutally attacked outside of their church.  By members of the same church.  I am not excusing what those hate-mongers did.  Not even in the slightest way, but incidents like that would stop happening if people stopped wearing their sexuality on their sleeve like a paper badge.

"Oh my god!  Are you saying we should all go back in the closet and hide who we are?!?!"

No.  If that is what you took from this, you need to read better.  What I am proposing is that we give the gay community better role models to choose from.  If a gay male teen has nothing to look up to except the effeminate gay best friend of the lead female in movies and TV, he will emulate the effeminate mannerisms.  While being gay is not something you choose or learn, mannerisms and habits ARE learned behaviors.  I want to see the gay best friend who doesn't make a big deal out of being gay.  The gay best friend who tells the leading lady and she isn't sure if he's joking or not.  The gay best friend who doesn't bleed glitter.

I am not a self hating gay.  I am perfectly happy being a gay male.  I just want popular culture and a decent amount of the gay community to stop giving all of the straight people I meet reasons to think that, because I'm gay, I must want to be a woman.  If you genuinely enjoy stereotypically gay things, more power to you.  Just do us all a favor and stop TRYING to fit into a community that supposedly wants equality.  A big part of equality means that we would be at the same level as the straight people.  Not above them, like some would seem to believe.

I'm sorry if this sounded harsh.  If you have a problem with it, comment here or email me at thescamppuppy@yahoo.com and let me know your feelings.  I would love to hear more viewpoints on the subject.  If I get enough response, I may even post a followup article and address your concerns and beliefs on what I see as one of the biggest roadblocks to the gay equality movement since the invention of heterosexuality.

And please, don't try to take my gay card.

TTFN, ta ta for now!