The Last Time I Checked, a Deck only Has 52 Cards...

Look, I am an airship captain.  As such, my responsibilities allow for only a certain amount of free time.  I fill my free time with things that I enjoy.  Do I watch the Tony Awards?  No.  Do I go to nightclubs every night for random sex in the bathroom?  No.  Do I religiously follow celebrity news and gossip?  No.  Does my lack of fervor for these things make me any less gay?  Hell no.  Being gay isn't about what you do or enjoy, other than doing and enjoying members of the same sex.  That being said, there is an epidemic upon us, my friends.  That epidemic is "the gay card".  There is no magical card that you get when you come out of the closet.  I joke about a care package with showtunes, hair product, and a copy of RENT arriving at your door when you accept who you are.  The keyword there is JOKE.

It seems that a large number of people in the gay community believe that if you don't do certain things, if you don't like certain things, if you don't wear certain things, or if you don't eat certain things that they are entitled to revoke your gay card; effectively turning you into a straight person.  It doesn't work like that, people.  I promise you that I don't know, or care, who won a Tony last year.

"You don't know who won the Tony for best show last year?  Give me your gay card!"

No.  Do you know why I'm not going to give it to you?  Because there isn't one.  Things like this are just furthering the stereotypes that the hateful straight-ful people are falling back on in their effort to deny homosexual citizens of this country equal rights.  The seemingly "necessary" stereotypes (that I have personally witnessed many gay men trying to adhere to) do nothing more than glue a big, pink target on your back.  Not too long ago, a gay couple was brutally attacked outside of their church.  By members of the same church.  I am not excusing what those hate-mongers did.  Not even in the slightest way, but incidents like that would stop happening if people stopped wearing their sexuality on their sleeve like a paper badge.

"Oh my god!  Are you saying we should all go back in the closet and hide who we are?!?!"

No.  If that is what you took from this, you need to read better.  What I am proposing is that we give the gay community better role models to choose from.  If a gay male teen has nothing to look up to except the effeminate gay best friend of the lead female in movies and TV, he will emulate the effeminate mannerisms.  While being gay is not something you choose or learn, mannerisms and habits ARE learned behaviors.  I want to see the gay best friend who doesn't make a big deal out of being gay.  The gay best friend who tells the leading lady and she isn't sure if he's joking or not.  The gay best friend who doesn't bleed glitter.

I am not a self hating gay.  I am perfectly happy being a gay male.  I just want popular culture and a decent amount of the gay community to stop giving all of the straight people I meet reasons to think that, because I'm gay, I must want to be a woman.  If you genuinely enjoy stereotypically gay things, more power to you.  Just do us all a favor and stop TRYING to fit into a community that supposedly wants equality.  A big part of equality means that we would be at the same level as the straight people.  Not above them, like some would seem to believe.

I'm sorry if this sounded harsh.  If you have a problem with it, comment here or email me at thescamppuppy@yahoo.com and let me know your feelings.  I would love to hear more viewpoints on the subject.  If I get enough response, I may even post a followup article and address your concerns and beliefs on what I see as one of the biggest roadblocks to the gay equality movement since the invention of heterosexuality.

And please, don't try to take my gay card.

TTFN, ta ta for now!

How Not to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Well, well…  I was starting to wonder if anyone actually read these.  Lo and behold!  FAN LETTER!  A very dear follower of my blog (whom I found out keeps a shortcut here ON his desktop) was talking to me about online chatting.  Now, I know that everyone wants to read an awesome story or blurb from my life, but a few things need to be put out there.  This, my adoring fans, is a compilation of opinions, unwritten rules, and common sense that I like to call “Scamp’s Guide to Internet Etiquette; Fetish Chat Room Edition”.

I will be explaining all of this from the point of view that I am familiar with (gay male to gay male), but these rules apply for pretty much any orientation and gender that use a fetish chat room (or any other chat room, for the most part).

One of the biggest things that one will see in a chat room of any kind is caps locking.  In a text based conversation, SPEAKING WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTERS IS TANTAMOUNT TO SHOUTING.  It can be a useful tool when you need to convey that you would be putting emphasis on the words you use in a conversation, but it’s not an “all the time” style of typing.  It has been posed to me by someone who uses caps locking quite often that “caps lock is the only way to let people know that what you are saying is important.”  Nobody is THAT important.  I know you think you are cool.  I know that caps lock is like cruise control for cool.  Here’s a protip for you...  Even with cruise control, you still have to steer.

This part applies to fetish chat rooms more specifically.  To narrow it down, it is most common in the Dominate and submissive chats.  In Dominate and submissive chats, submissive men try to seek out the Dominate men that they feel an ingrown need to control aspects of their lives.  This can range from semi-sub boys all the way down to slaves who consider themselves property and nothing else.  It is all well and good if the submissive is interested in the Dominate.  But what is very common to find is people who try to place themselves in the role of a Dominate, expecting those around them to give them instant respect because their screen name contains the words “MASTER”, “DOM”, “LORD, or any other in a wide array of “privileged titles”.  Just because you consider yourself a Dominate does not mean that everyone else has to lick your feet for the privilege to talk to you.  There are many out there who have earned respect.  Many who have earned their title.  Many who have earned the privilege.  This behavior is furthered by the submissives who don’t know what they want.  Or the “subs” who just want to get off while a stranger talks down to them.  They feed the proverbial “trolls” of the screen name title abusers.

Another trend spreading like wildfire through internet fetish chat rooms (and many other types of chat rooms) is that many people ignore the “meat and potatoes” of a quality person for the flashy, smoke and mirrors of the “fajita” attractive and innocent acting younger chatters.  What happens quite often is that a person can be having a decent conversation with someone of similar interests.  This conversation can range between anything from weather to actual connection which could lead to meeting up and exploring your various kinks.  Suddenly, a beautiful woman walks in from the rain, begging the private detective to help find her missing father.  No?  Oh sorry.  In a similar chain of events, a (usually) younger and more attractive person comes into the chat room and all interest in the meat and potatoes is lost in favor of the fajita that just sizzled past your table.  This is an insult to the person you were just talking to.  In other news, if that person is so attractive and perfect, why are they single and trying to hook up in a fetish chat room?  If it smells like a fish, and swims like a fish, chances are that he is a psycho who will stalk you for years to come.

Please take these few (and not terribly difficult) ideas to heart.  I know “it’s just a chat room”, but many people feel inadequate when they are sloughed off, ignored, talked down to, or just plain insulted by rude behavior, self-entitled “Doms”, and people yelling at them to “HAVE A GOOD DAY”.

You know what they say, if you can’t type something nice, the Agency will find you and break your typing hand.  Ambidextrous?  Sucks to be you!  Now, I have a huge shipment of slightly less than legal “gemstones” coming on board with my new (and slightly frazzled in the brain pan) mechanic, Joe.  He keeps making eyes at me.  I may have to take him to the Captain’s cabin and see if my booty shivers his timbers.  Excuse the pirate pun, but I’ve been aloft on my own for FAR too long.  Until next time, sparrows and swallows.

TTFN, ta ta for now!

Questions? Comments? Requests?

Ahoy there, you salty air dogs!  Blow the man down!  *giggles at my own innuendo*

So, I do what I can to keep you, the readers, entertained.  But my imagination well is running dry!  I know, it's hard to believe that one so bright and fun as myself could have a problem thinking up topics.  But, alas, it is true. What this post is intended to do is to get my fans involved in the shape and future of The Scamp Project.  Hell, I'm a sub.  I have to have SOMEONE telling me what to do, right?

Well, not quite in so many words, I suppose.  What I am calling for is a census.  Tell me what you want to see, what you want to hear, and what you want to know.  Pretty much any topic, comment, or question is fair game.  I'll even read some of your letters (or type from, if I haven't started the vlog yet).  You just have to write in.  Tell your friends.  Tell your kids.  Tell your wives.  A tell your husbands, because I'm taking requests from everybody out here.  You don't have to write and confess, I'm waiting for you.

We here at The Scamp Project are committed to bringing you the highest quality versions of Scamp's opinions, findings, research, and adventures.  But we need your help.  Comment below.  Or write an email to TheScampPuppy@yahoo.com and let me know what you think, what you want to see here, what you feel about me.  Hell, write me and let me know how you are doing.  If there is something you need help with, I will do my best to get you the answers you need.

The main thing I am saying here is WRITE IN.  You want new content?  I need new ideas.  Win-win.

Now, the lights are flickering because using the internet in my ship requires MASSIVE amounts of aether power.  With Stanley gone, I'm dashing around like an automaton with it's primary stabilization gear cut off.  Once again, I send out a call for help.  I need a mechanic!  Until next time, my compatriots.

TTFN, ta ta for now!

Whether to Turn a Blog Into a Vlog; Musings of the Scamp

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?  Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well at that delicate, luscious, ambrosial smell?  I doubt it.  The only smell here is the smell of grease and steam and the super-heated metals of the clockwork in my brain trying to make a decision.

"What decision could possibly have you in such turmoil?" you may ask yourself.

No, really.  You may now ask yourself that question.  I will wait.

Done?  Took long enough.  Well, I will tell you, since you are so interested.  It has been posed to me that I should incorporate a vlog into my blog.  For those of you who don't know, a vlog is a blog that has video elements.

"Yay!  Something other than these boring diatribes!"

Nope.  What has been proposed to me is that I should record a video and audio file of my opinions, thoughts, and news.  Then you could actually tell when I'm being sarcastic!  Tone is SO hard to convey through text.

Now, I would like to ask you, my fans, a question.  Do you want to see and hear me deliver my blog posts?  I would probably still do a few text formatted posts, just speckle in a few videos.  Maybe even some action movie reviews...

I consider myself too shy to do something like that.  But I am here, with decent frequency, spilling my thoughts, actions, and feelings into this blog (which I have been told is an outdated format and I need to get rid of it).  Let me know.  Send me an email at thescamppuppy@yahoo.com or just leave a comment below and let me know what you think.  I know I can turn a phrase fairly well, but can I make love to a camera?  Wait, that's models?  What do vloggers do?  Oh...  Can I keep people interested in seeing and hearing me long enough to get my point across?  Only time and you, my fans, will tell.

*clang, clang, clang, SKREEEEEEEE, silence*

DAMMIT, STANLEY!  If it falls off of the engine, REPLACE IT!

Excuse me, I need to go toss my EX mechanic overboard into the cumulonimbus.  Anybody know how to work a steam engine and needing a job?  You get a cut of my take from the, erm, "jobs" I do...  Let me know, because Stanley is OUT!

TTFN, ta ta for now!

Walking Near Memphis

Hello again, my intrepid readers!  You may be asking yourself, “Wow, two posts in two days?!?!  It must be a special occasion!”  Well, it is.  After I got off the train in Schenectady, I went back to the house I was staying at and packed up what was remaining of my things.  I got about 4 hours of sleep, then got into the car with my ex Owner to begin our adventure!  This adventure is a more permanent one, however, as I have just gotten out of the car back in Tennessee.  I’m not in the part of Tennessee I was in before I went to New York, but I’m not too far away, either.  I have moved in with two very special people to me.  I would say friends, but they are more like family.  I can tell they are like family because they are willing to put up with me.

The car ride was rather uneventful, to say the least.  We took 81 South to Knoxville, then 40 West all the way to Brownsville.  Because of Mama Ace giving me a few of my new found love (melatonin), I slept through most of the trip.  I happened to wake up a few times (usually as we were stopping for fuel or a break or food), which worked out rather well for me.  I got a few cigarette breaks (when we stopped), and that kept ALL of us happy.  The most interesting part of the trip was the interchange coming through Nashville when we had to follow 40 West.  My ex Owner was worried about the interchange and traffic, but I helped him avoid 440, and we had no problem whatsoever.  After that, it was smooth sailing.  We brought some prepackaged foods and drinks with us, and I snacked on the crackers, pepperoni, beef jerky, and Fritos.  That combination made me VERY happy for the bathroom breaks.  The parts of the trip I was awake for were uneventful, but apparently we also almost got hit by a semi…

It’s an odd feeling, knowing that you will most likely never see someone again after spending nearly a year with them.  I think that splitting now was the best thing for all of us.  Maybe we’ll stay in touch.  Maybe not.  I learned a good deal in my time there; about myself, the world, and even more topics.  I keep adding to my repertoire, increasing the frequency with which I find myself saying I’m a “Jack of all trades, Master of none”.  Eventually, I will achieve my goal of becoming a modern day MacGuyver (Richard Dean Anderson is YUMMY).  I already carry around the bag full of random crap, just in case.

I am still riding the wave of positive emotion left over from my trip to New Jersey.  It’s good to feel like myself again.  Now, being back in TN with my friends, and even more of my friends not far away, I’m really getting a sense of self again.  I’ll miss the friends I made in New York.  But, as a wise man once said, “Ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the strange.”  My life keeps changing and moving forward.  I can only hope that it’s for the better.

TTFN, ta ta for now!

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love New Jersey

Greetings and salutations, my loyal crew of web-crawling airship pirates!  I say that because anyone who reads my blog is an honorary member of my crew.  As I write this, it is 4:00 pm on February 2^nd.  This train (which I will be on for another three and a half hours) is the first train I have been on that does NOT have wi-fi.  Your fearless captain will make the best of the situation (and probably end up watching some movies).  I know it has been nearly two weeks since my last entry, but I have been busy having fun!  Yes, that is right, FUN!  I know that I hop around a lot, that my life has been a *bit* more adventurous than most of my friends’ lives, and that unfortunate circumstances seem to flock to me like the Alliance troopers to an unlicensed Firefly class transport ship, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I get to see, smell, hear, taste, and feel SO many amazing and wonderful things!  Not to mention the people I have met along the way.  I will now regale you with a bit of my New Jersey adventure (as the train trip in a few of my previous posts planted me in Philly, but my friends live in Jersey).

I was understandably nervous about visiting Ace, Milo, and Phin (and Pyro, who came up a few days later).  I happen to be one of those people that you either love and would do anything for, or hate and wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire.  This is my station in life.  I have accepted it, but it still makes me worry when I meet people for the first time.  That being said, just the car ride from Philadelphia to Ace’s house told me that we were going to get along great.  Ace shares many of my interests.  He’s the only other person I’ve met that also collects Tiggers.  He is an AB/DL who wanted to explore his puppy side.  I’m a puppy who was curious about the diaper scene (and believe-you-me, this trip let me explore that; more on that in a bit).  We listen to similar music.  We like similar shows.  We have similar outlooks on life.  Ace is a sweetie, and I am EXTREMELY glad that I struck up that first conversation on www.fetishmen.net with him.  Mama Ace, here’s hoping nobody tries to install any third party software…  *insert Bjork airport fight scene growl here*

Ace’s boyfriend Milo is a car geek.  And a Pokemon geek.  And a Disney channel geek.  I can’t fault him for his interest in cars.  That might have been the only thing that we didn’t have in common.  He’s a sweet guy.  He gets the raw deal when it comes to poking and prodding from his friends, but he usually takes it in stride.  I was glad that I could take some of the burden from him as far as the insults, the jabs, and the VICIOUS tickle attacks that I received while I was there.  Milo is the master of the unintentional cheesy pun.  And the occasional “bad joke is bad” moment.  Honestly, he seemed to be more comfortable and easy going when it was just he and I at WalMart (where I tried to get him to get hipster/nerd frame glasses, but he ended up taking my suggestion of the rimless frames).  He was also the first person to ever put me in a diaper.  Milo, I am happy you have found your frog in shining armor (oh, Kermie…).  Also, baaaaaaaaa means no!

What can I say about Phin that hasn’t already been said about that pig with a heart of gold, Babe?  He is blunt, honest, protective, funny, cuddly, and awesome.  His tastes also run along the same lines as mine.  He loves Eeyore (my second favorite character from Winnie the Pooh).  I drew him a picture of an anthropomorphic baby dolphin and that sparked everyone else to want pictures drawn of them, too.  The funny part is that when I drew him the picture, I had no idea that he lived with Ace and that I would get to meet him, too!  I got to cuddle up to Phin in bed until Pyro got there, and I was happy for the time.  Phin had a tendency to snatch me up by the mohawk like it was some kind of puppy handle (which I had to pretend to hate).  He also discovered my secret, deadly tickle spot (which I will not divulge here).  Phinny, may the tuna nets never find you, and may your caffeine ever flow freely.  Before I forget to tell you, the cuddles meant the world to me.

Pyro, Pyro, Pyro…  What’s in a name?  I happened to mention the shape of his nose (specifically, I said “Jew-beak”) ONE TIME, and he never let me forget it.  I was constantly amazing him with my taste in music (because let’s face it, my musical tastes place me between the ages of 30 and 40, not my current age of 23).  He seemed to also agree with my taste in movies, food, books, and pretty much everything else.  Pyro is Phin’s Daddy and I tried to make sure I wasn’t leeching all of the time they could spend together.  I was glad that he decided to visit at the same time as me.  He kept me company while everyone else was at work, we made each other laugh, and there was that wild, high-class porno sex marathon we had (I am only kidding, Phin!  Please do not hunt me down!)  Pyro played with me, gave me a bath, helped Phin cut up my steak so I could eat it like a real puppy, and generally didn’t seem to mind that I was stuck up his ass for most of my trip.  Pyro, here’s hoping that you find every success in the medical field and that you and Phinny stay together for a LONG time.  By the way, I took the gold you had stored in your Jew-beak.  Bring me Jon Stewart, Adam Sandler, and half of Lenny Kravits if you ever want to see it again.

This trip was a very good thing for me.  I got to wear a diaper for the first time.  *SPOILER ALERT* they are comfortable as hell!  I got a puppy bath, got to eat like a puppy, played tug, got pets and belly rubs and scritches…  Ace and Phin took me to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D.  I got two new chew toys (a Kong brand dog toy shaped like a pacifier, and a real, adult sized pacifier).  I got to eat at a nice diner, Cracker Barrel, a pretty good local steak joint, and a decent amount of fast food.  I think I drank more Coca-Cola than water in the last (nearly) two weeks.  I got two new Tiggers (a Halloween one that dances to the Addams Family song and a PILLOW PET!!!) and a head massaging spider looking thing that sends orgasmic waves of pleasure to your very soul.  I got to be sucking on a pacifier in public while people stared but were too afraid to say anything (let’s just throw this out there, if you don’t know me, I look QUITE intimidating).  Above and beyond any of the food, movies, toys, or anything else that I will treasure from this trip, I will ALWAYS carry the fond memories of my time with my new friends.  CHQ for life!

This train ride has been fun, as well (barring the lack of internet access on the long haul train from NYC to Schenectady).  Still managed to luck out with my own seat.  Plenty of leg room.  Much faster and easier than a bus.  In NYC, a WOOFY salt-and-pepper Daddy Bear bummed a cigarette off of me and kept giving me a *look*.  Shortly after that, a woman was basically begging for money for food for herself and her daughter.  I took her into DuaneReade and got them a decent sized sandwich, some chips, and some vitamin water with my food stamps.  Remember that Daddy Bear from before?  He saw what I did and invited me to lunch with him at TGI Friday’s!  Apparently, I’m a hell of a catch and my heart of gold sealed the deal.  Eric, if you are reading this, WOOF and don’t forget to drop me an email…  I also got to walk around inside Madison Square Gardens, went up and down Seventh Avenue a bit, and turned down seven different scalpers with various (supposedly legitimately) cheap tickets to an array of shows and events.

I’m going to give my fingers a break and watch a movie now.  I will post this as soon as I am able.  I hope you enjoyed this look into my trip and my friends.  Though my trip is over, my adventure is just beginning anew.  Stay tuned to find out what awaits your peerless Captain in the mysterious land of Memphis!  For now, just mind your spanners and tighten those bolts!  We’re losing steam pressure!

ADDENDUM:

We stopped in Albany and had to wait an hour for them to add a car to the train.  But the train didn’t get there in the hour we were waiting.  That set us behind nearly forty five minutes.  All of that because they slightly overbooked and needed to add a snack car...  That wasn’t TOO bad, but listening to all of the other passengers bitching about it made it unbearable.  We finally got underway and I made it back to Schenectady safely.  Finishing the last of the packing and tomorrow I head out!

TTFN, ta ta for now!