Greetings and salutations, my loyal crew of web-crawling airship pirates! I say that because anyone who reads my blog is an honorary member of my crew. As I write this, it is 4:00 pm on February 2nd. This train (which I will be on for another three and a half hours) is the first train I have been on that does NOT have wi-fi. Your fearless captain will make the best of the situation (and probably end up watching some movies). I know it has been nearly two weeks since my last entry, but I have been busy having fun! Yes, that is right, FUN! I know that I hop around a lot, that my life has been a *bit* more adventurous than most of my friends’ lives, and that unfortunate circumstances seem to flock to me like the Alliance troopers to an unlicensed Firefly class transport ship, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I get to see, smell, hear, taste, and feel SO many amazing and wonderful things! Not to mention the people I have met along the way. I will now regale you with a bit of my New Jersey adventure (as the train trip in a few of my previous posts planted me in Philly, but my friends live in Jersey).
I was understandably nervous about visiting Ace, Milo, and Phin (and Pyro, who came up a few days later). I happen to be one of those people that you either love and would do anything for, or hate and wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. This is my station in life. I have accepted it, but it still makes me worry when I meet people for the first time. That being said, just the car ride from Philadelphia to Ace’s house told me that we were going to get along great. Ace shares many of my interests. He’s the only other person I’ve met that also collects Tiggers. He is an AB/DL who wanted to explore his puppy side. I’m a puppy who was curious about the diaper scene (and believe-you-me, this trip let me explore that; more on that in a bit). We listen to similar music. We like similar shows. We have similar outlooks on life. Ace is a sweetie, and I am EXTREMELY glad that I struck up that first conversation on www.fetishmen.net with him. Mama Ace, here’s hoping nobody tries to install any third party software… *insert Bjork airport fight scene growl here*
Ace’s boyfriend Milo is a car geek. And a Pokemon geek. And a Disney channel geek. I can’t fault him for his interest in cars. That might have been the only thing that we didn’t have in common. He’s a sweet guy. He gets the raw deal when it comes to poking and prodding from his friends, but he usually takes it in stride. I was glad that I could take some of the burden from him as far as the insults, the jabs, and the VICIOUS tickle attacks that I received while I was there. Milo is the master of the unintentional cheesy pun. And the occasional “bad joke is bad” moment. Honestly, he seemed to be more comfortable and easy going when it was just he and I at WalMart (where I tried to get him to get hipster/nerd frame glasses, but he ended up taking my suggestion of the rimless frames). He was also the first person to ever put me in a diaper. Milo, I am happy you have found your frog in shining armor (oh, Kermie…). Also, baaaaaaaaa means no!
What can I say about Phin that hasn’t already been said about that pig with a heart of gold, Babe? He is blunt, honest, protective, funny, cuddly, and awesome. His tastes also run along the same lines as mine. He loves Eeyore (my second favorite character from Winnie the Pooh). I drew him a picture of an anthropomorphic baby dolphin and that sparked everyone else to want pictures drawn of them, too. The funny part is that when I drew him the picture, I had no idea that he lived with Ace and that I would get to meet him, too! I got to cuddle up to Phin in bed until Pyro got there, and I was happy for the time. Phin had a tendency to snatch me up by the mohawk like it was some kind of puppy handle (which I had to pretend to hate). He also discovered my secret, deadly tickle spot (which I will not divulge here). Phinny, may the tuna nets never find you, and may your caffeine ever flow freely. Before I forget to tell you, the cuddles meant the world to me.
Pyro, Pyro, Pyro… What’s in a name? I happened to mention the shape of his nose (specifically, I said “Jew-beak”) ONE TIME, and he never let me forget it. I was constantly amazing him with my taste in music (because let’s face it, my musical tastes place me between the ages of 30 and 40, not my current age of 23). He seemed to also agree with my taste in movies, food, books, and pretty much everything else. Pyro is Phin’s Daddy and I tried to make sure I wasn’t leeching all of the time they could spend together. I was glad that he decided to visit at the same time as me. He kept me company while everyone else was at work, we made each other laugh, and there was that wild, high-class porno sex marathon we had (I am only kidding, Phin! Please do not hunt me down!) Pyro played with me, gave me a bath, helped Phin cut up my steak so I could eat it like a real puppy, and generally didn’t seem to mind that I was stuck up his ass for most of my trip. Pyro, here’s hoping that you find every success in the medical field and that you and Phinny stay together for a LONG time. By the way, I took the gold you had stored in your Jew-beak. Bring me Jon Stewart, Adam Sandler, and half of Lenny Kravits if you ever want to see it again.
This trip was a very good thing for me. I got to wear a diaper for the first time. *SPOILER ALERT* they are comfortable as hell! I got a puppy bath, got to eat like a puppy, played tug, got pets and belly rubs and scritches… Ace and Phin took me to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. I got two new chew toys (a Kong brand dog toy shaped like a pacifier, and a real, adult sized pacifier). I got to eat at a nice diner, Cracker Barrel, a pretty good local steak joint, and a decent amount of fast food. I think I drank more Coca-Cola than water in the last (nearly) two weeks. I got two new Tiggers (a Halloween one that dances to the Addams Family song and a PILLOW PET!!!) and a head massaging spider looking thing that sends orgasmic waves of pleasure to your very soul. I got to be sucking on a pacifier in public while people stared but were too afraid to say anything (let’s just throw this out there, if you don’t know me, I look QUITE intimidating). Above and beyond any of the food, movies, toys, or anything else that I will treasure from this trip, I will ALWAYS carry the fond memories of my time with my new friends. CHQ for life!
This train ride has been fun, as well (barring the lack of internet access on the long haul train from NYC to Schenectady). Still managed to luck out with my own seat. Plenty of leg room. Much faster and easier than a bus. In NYC, a WOOFY salt-and-pepper Daddy Bear bummed a cigarette off of me and kept giving me a *look*. Shortly after that, a woman was basically begging for money for food for herself and her daughter. I took her into DuaneReade and got them a decent sized sandwich, some chips, and some vitamin water with my food stamps. Remember that Daddy Bear from before? He saw what I did and invited me to lunch with him at TGI Friday’s! Apparently, I’m a hell of a catch and my heart of gold sealed the deal. Eric, if you are reading this, WOOF and don’t forget to drop me an email… I also got to walk around inside Madison Square Gardens, went up and down Seventh Avenue a bit, and turned down seven different scalpers with various (supposedly legitimately) cheap tickets to an array of shows and events.
I’m going to give my fingers a break and watch a movie now. I will post this as soon as I am able. I hope you enjoyed this look into my trip and my friends. Though my trip is over, my adventure is just beginning anew. Stay tuned to find out what awaits your peerless Captain in the mysterious land of Memphis! For now, just mind your spanners and tighten those bolts! We’re losing steam pressure!
ADDENDUM:
We stopped in Albany and had to wait an hour for them to add a car to the train. But the train didn’t get there in the hour we were waiting. That set us behind nearly forty five minutes. All of that because they slightly overbooked and needed to add a snack car... That wasn’t TOO bad, but listening to all of the other passengers bitching about it made it unbearable. We finally got underway and I made it back to Schenectady safely. Finishing the last of the packing and tomorrow I head out!
TTFN, ta ta for now!
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